Thursday, November 5, 2009

Irony

I must be psychic or my wife must read this blog.  After posting about reading her e-mails/texts/whatever to stop your wife from cheating. My wife picks up my phone and starts reading my texts.

Of course she found one from a girl I know and determined it "flirty."  Now I did flirt with this girl but not on those texts.  My wife is so paranoid that a few simple texts talking about work could be interpreted as "flirting."

But it worked, I have to step up my security around trying to cheat on her.  Bitch.

Monday, November 2, 2009

Stop Your Wife from Cheating

How do I stop my wife from cheating?

I'm a complete hypocrite.  I want to cheat on my wife as much as possible but if my wife cheats I'll be super-pissed and never forgive her.  Is this sexist?  Is this wrong?  Probably, but I don't care.

Also by exploring how I can prevent my wife from cheating I can think of how to cheat on her even more effectively.

The first step is to be super-paranoid.  My wife already does this.  Always ask where she's been, ask about her day, ask for details.  Don't be happy with "I went to the supermarket."  Ask which one, did you see anything good on sale?  If she says she went to drinks with friends ask which friends, ask specifics about each friend, what they all had to drink.   Ask lots of "why" questions.  Be creative but be probing.  My wife is a decent liar but there's no way she can come up with that amount of info in a hurry.  Even more importantly if she knows she'll get these sorts of questions from me regularly she'd better know I'll figure out when something's fishy.

The next step is to invite yourself along places.  If your wife says she's going out with friends say you'd love to go.  Even if you don't end up going it'll freak her out to no end if she's planning something sneaky.

On that note randomly show up at her place of work.  I saw that one on True Lies.  You can bring her lunch or whatever, just do it without warning.

Regularly ask to borrow her cell phone, use her computer or send something from her e-mail address.  In the year 2009 these are the most likely ways she's going to arrange an affair.  If she knows her cell phone and computers aren't safe to communicate with another guy then she's going to have a much harder time coming up with ways to cheat.

This list isn't extensive and it's not a list of how to catch your wife cheating.  That's another list I'll talk about later.  This list is to stop your wife from cheating in the first place.  If you make her paranoid enough you'll be able to stop some of her wandering.  If she doesn't care if she gets caught then you're screwed, but this will stop the sneaking around.