Tools of the Cheater: Evidence to the Contrary

This is a simple one but often overlooked.

OK, so you're having an affair (or at least sneaking around behind your wife/husband's back). Good for you! The most obvious advice is to not leave any evidence of your cheating.

If you say you're going away to a conference only to hook up with your sweetie in a hotel room in St. Paul, that's fine. Only an idiot would come home with videos on their phone of the amazing sex they've been having. Don't leave directions to your girlfriend's apartment in your glove box. Stuff like that is stupid and I shouldn't even have to mention it.

I'd like to suggest leaving evidence to the contrary. This would be evidence that you're actually telling the truth about what you were doing. There are two kinds of this.

1) Fake evidence. If you said you were going to a conference then make sure you come home with stuff from the conference. Make some if you have to. If not just show up and steal a flier or two. Don't go home waving them in your wife's face but just put them in a pocket. Let it be super natural. That way if they start snooping they'll just find the stuff you planeted.

2) Real evidence when you're not cheating. If you went hunting with the boys, keep some evidence in your bag. Something really obvious. This sounds silly but if she's snooping and finds you're telling the truth when she's suspicious then she'll be less suspicious when you have no evidence either way.

Here's what I do. When I'm eating lunch alone I'll make sure I have a receipt in my wallet. That way when I take a girl out and nothing shows up she doesn't get suspicious because she saw the receipt the last time.

So much time so little vagina...

Suddenly I find myself with all the time in the world but no way to meet chicks. I'm working out of my home office on a big project. This means I've got hours of alone time a day, an excuse not to check my phone/e-mail/IMs for large amounts of time (I was working baby) but no one to play with since I'm not out meeting people.

There is this one chick who just got out of a serious relationship. She wanted to hook up while she was in the last stages of the relationship (which never happened for a variety of reasons). Now she's dodging me. Come on bitch, you're single now! Have some of my married cock.