What Counts as Cheating in a Marriage?

So, how do you define cheating when you're married?  Is it sex?  Is it kissing?  Is it emotional intent?  I want to talk about each possibility but first I will give you the answer to what cheating is:  

If you have to ask, it's cheating.  Well, more accurately if your spouse thinks it's cheating, then it's cheating.

If you think you cheated because you held hands with another girl then you cheated.  If you think you didn't cheat because all you did was kiss, then move on to step two.  If my wife found out about me trying to sleep around on her, she'd consider that cheating.  Personally I don't think it's cheating unless I'm touching a girl in a way I wouldn't do in front of my own wife.

Is Sex Cheating? Seems an obvious, "yes" but I know a person or two who thinks sex isn't cheating if it's purely physical and there's no emotional connection.  These are the people I need to spend more time with.

Is Oral Sex Cheating? If it's good enough for Clinton, it's good enough for me.  Putting your junk in someone else's mouth or worse, licking another woman's privates is pretty personal.  Some would probably think this was a deeper connection than simple sex.

Is Kissing Cheating?  Ever date a girl who thinks that kissing is only for people who are in love and will let you sleep with her but not kiss her?  I have.  She was insane.  Some people think very highly of kissing.  To me kissing is cheating because I wouldn't do it in front of my wife.

Is Flirting Cheating? I say no, flirting is fun unless you're planning on going further.  I flirt with girls in front of my wife, it only makes her have sex with me to "keep me close."  

Is Falling in Love Cheating?  Since getting married I've met plenty of girls who I think "if I had met them first, they'd be the one."  I'm not leaving my wife for them and they're not the kind of girls I'd try to have an affair with but I've had some pretty serious obsessions with girls who are not my wife.  This is probably the scariest type of cheating to a woman.  If I get drunk and sleep with some slut my wife would be pissed but she would think I still loved her, if I fell for another woman even without touching her... woo.

Funky Seminar Girl

Let me tell you a story.  I met this girl at a long work seminar thing I was doing recently.  We spent the eight weeks flirting and squeezing each other when it would be "funny."  I'd say it was flirting but if a girl was doing this to me in a bar I'd have her in the back seat of my car 15 minutes later.

The people at the seminar knew I was married so I couldn't do anything with her while the seminar was going on.  Too many people think it's their duty to report on you and I'm too paranoid to risk it.

Sometimes I see a girl and I think to myself, "My lord, why can't I sleep with her?"  This is not the case with Funky Seminar Girl.  She's all tattooed and pierced up.  I got no problem with either but I have yet to find them attractive.  I guess my real thing is going for the good girl that I can corrupt.  This girl is already corrupted.  She's in an "open relationship" and doesn't care if someone else is married or whatever.  Sex is just sex to her.  She doesn't want to be seen as a home wrecker but if no one knows, she couldn't care less.

So what if she's not the most attractive girl in the world?  She's crazy and as we all know sex quality is directly proportional to craziness.

I'm ready to make my move on this girl.  We've been e-mailing ever since the seminar ended and talking about dirty stuff.  She's ready to go.  All I need is a time to get away from my wife.

Problem is, my wife is working at home for the next few weeks.  Are you kidding me?  Who timed this?

How am I supposed to sneak out and cheat on my wife when we're both working from home.  I can't just get up and go without an explanation.  She knows I have nowhere to go and nothing to do.

How do I hit this?  Can I pretend that I was unconscious in a ditch for an evening?

To Pursue Married Women?

This is a big issue I'm facing early in my cheating goals.  Should I pursue married women?

I've heard it argued that you don't want to have an affair with a woman who is single because she has nothing to lose.  A married woman (or at least a woman in a serious relationship) probably fears losing her relationship as much as I do.  She'd be OK with the "only sex" part of an affair I wouldn't have to lie to her.  We'd be in the same boat.

There are obvious challenges to sleeping with a married woman.  The first is that she might just be the flirty type and have no actual interest.  Some women think since they're married guys will assume any flirting or sexual innuendos are innocent.  This is the problem with one of my next door neighbors.  She's got an amazing body and is hot as hell.  We flirt and make jokes with each other when no one's around but she's the buttoned up type and might just be doing this because she feels "safe."  I don't want to move (or have to think of an excuse to tell my wife as to why we're moving) so I hesitate to try anything with her for fear that it might backfire.

Another problem is she, and one of the other handful of married women I know who might want to sleep with me, have husbands and that doubles the number of people I have to fool.  This is especially true if these are people I have to see in social circumstances.

The obvious solution is to not sleep with anyone my wife knows, but my wife has some pretty hot friends.  I guess I'll have to tread lightly with her friends and I can be a little more bold with the ones she doesn't know.