Where, Oh Where to Have an Affair?

I feel like rhyming today. I'd also like to discuss the best location to have an affair. Remember, every detail of your affair has to be taken care of or you'll get caught. If you don't care about getting caught then just bone the chick in front of your wife, try to arrange a three-way. But for the rest of us...

Hotel: Let's start with the classic. I don't know about you but I've yet to register at a hotel that doesn't as for a credit card for "incidentals" or require some kind of photo ID. Sure, you might want to treat your lady to a class night out but it's going to be tough to explain this to your wife. If you're out of town anyway then this is ideal. Hotels are anonymous, no one cares who's coming and going.

Cheap Motel: Cheap motels just aren't as cheap as they used to be. Unless you're looking to score some crystal you should be a little bit more careful where you plop down your fifty bucks. These guys are more likely to take cash and not care who you are but you still have to be somewhat picky. Also your broad (or dude) may not like going to such a crappy place.

The Office: Step into my office and shut the door behind you. Bow chicka bow wow. This obviously goes for boning ladies at work (for a later post) but you're very likely to get caught. Very very likely. Unless you have lots of overlap in your work/real life friends this will probably never get back to your other. Work people generally accept that you have a work life and a home life and they don't need to overlap. That said, there could always be some jerk who makes it their business to screw you over.

Their House: If they're single, this is an easy one. This is especially true if they don't have a roommate. Go over and bone away. The neighbors might get annoyed at all the noise you're making but unless you get busted by the cops this is a no-lose. The only thing to watch out for is if she starts to get the wrong idea. If you start spending nights, you start leaving crap over there she might start to think you're in a real relationship. Then she might take it in her own hands to alert the wife... danger. If they're married than you're running into the same dangers as if they come to your place but the risk is on them, not you.

A Friend's Place: Sure, if you've got a friend who really doesn't give a crap about you cheating. Personally I don't let my friends know about any of this because they like my wife. If I had any "dude friends" who didn't like her at all or were cheaters themselves I might take them up on using their place but it's risky and tough to pull off.

A Secret Apartment You Only Use for Having an Affair: Who has this kind of money? If you're this rich than how about letting me use your place when you're not? C'mon, we can be buddies.

Your Place: This is the last choice. The absolute final and last choice. Nothing good can come of this (except for the sex). Your partner in cheating will want to snoop, they might see photos of you smiling with your kids and they might leave evidence. Heck, your neighbors might see them coming/going and tell your spouse. You know the cliche about the husband coming home from work early to find his wife in bed with the milkman? It's a cliche for a reason.


So each place has their pluses/minuses. Their place, if they're single, is the best choice. If they're married you can still use their place, just know the risk is on them. The times I've hooked up with other girls have been at their place. One was married and one was not. We weren't having long-term affairs but it worked out well.