The Date that Was Not

That was fucking disappointing. Let's start at the beginning.

I've been flirting with this girl for months. She's a bored housewife, I'm always bored and we flirt back and forth. I do most of the flirting but there ain't no way she didn't know I wanted to bone her. We made a date a few weeks ago and had to break it off, she seemed disappointed. So when I finally get her to agree to meet me for lunch (at a place near her house) I knew I should pack my condom.

WRONG

We had lunch, chatted. She kept asking about my wife, big red flag there. She's mention our families hanging out together, red flag number two. Then when we're done she says she's going home. I say, "I'll come with you." She agrees! Finally, I'm back in plus territory here. At her place, she shows me her bedroom, we kiss...

No that doesn't happen. She gives me a tour and then pretty much waits for me to leave. Wouldn't get close enough for me to even try anything, just in case there was a shot. So I wasted an afternoon, a few lies I had to tell my wife and a few bucks on lunch for nothing. She wasn't even a good cock tease, she acted like we were two friends who had lunch together all the fucking time.

I figure there are two options here: the generous one is that she wanted my junk but was terrified of being caught or thought she couldn't go through with it after all these months of flirting. I think this is BS because she never would have invited me back to her house. We all know what happens there. No, I think the answer was that she's just a fucking idiot who thinks I flirt with her and talk about hooking up with her as a joke and we should really totally be BFFs.

Fuck that shit. I'm going to jerk off now.

Asians Have it Right!

Koreans know how to have a marriage. The husband is allowed to cheat and have a mistress. The wife knows this has nothing to do with their relationships.

These people have long, happy marriages because they know that sex and a close loving relationship aren't always going to overlap. They go so far as to allow the man's mistress to be known publicly.

As an American I don't get to go that far but I'm advanced enough to know that a man's dick doesn't need to stay in one person to make for a happy relationship. NO man wants this. At least the Koreans (and other Asians) have gotten the message.

Why did I marry a normal white girl?

Tools of the Trade: The Disposable Cell Phone

What a world we live in. I can run out to the local 7-11 with a few bucks and buy a crappy cell phone and have my own number no one will ever know about. Drug dealers have used this for years and I encourage anyone trying to cheat to run out and buy one.

Now, don't be an idiot and keep it in your pocket with the ringer on. Put it somewhere less than obvious. In the garage, in the trunk of your car, leave it in a desk in your office. The last one is the best because you can still charge it when you need it.

These phone numbers are perfect to give out to women you meet in bars, to hookers who need to call you back to verify your identity and anyone else you want to communicate with on the sly.

Some of these phones even allow texting. Hello sexting!

Just be sure to keep buying refills and keep this all away from your wife. If she finds it, just say you found it and are going to sell it on ebay. Then do it! Sell that shit. Losing some phone numbers and a few booty calls is worth it if you want to stay married.

And if you don't, use the phone to call a divorce lawyer.

Making Plans

Next Wednesday I'm going to get laid.  Well, that's the plan.  I'm meeting up with this chick I met through work a few years ago.  We chat online, I flirt, she accepts it.  She's married but bored as fuck.  Her husband leaves her while he goes to work all day.  I'll be sneaking in mid-afternoon for a bone session.  Or at least I'd better be.

She's not that attractive but she's got a decent body.  Fuck, I'd probably bang her if she was a fatty.  But she's not.  Much better body than my wife.  I'm pretty obvious with her that I'm interested in fucking but she just kinda half responds.  If she's going to cock tease me I might just whip it out and jizz on her face.

Ladies, there's no need to be a cocktease.  I'll report back Wednsday night about the boning or lack thereof.

What am I going to tell my wife?  Well, I planned it when she's most busy at work so hopefully there will be few e-mails and calls but I'm going golfing.  Yup, fucking golfing.  Gone for hours, I come back sweaty and there's no problems.

Let's do this!

Making Plans...

I finally have a little free time.  Finally.  My wife is gone all day, my kid is happy as a turd at school and I'm home alone.  I love this shit.  I wear my boxers all day, I jack off while laying out of the sofa.  What could make this better?  Right, pussy.

So I'm trying to set up "coffee" dates with a few choice ladies who've been winking their eyes at me for years.  A couple are bound to think I mean coffee, at least one has got to have a place in her pants for me.  Right?

I'll report back my successes or not.  No photos.  Faces don't count, only getting away with things.  Let's just say the most likely to bone me is the least attractive.  Shocking, I know.

It's been too long.

I haven't updated this blog in forever.  I'd say that I was disappointing my loyal readers but I'm really not.  No one reads this shit.  Why should you?  It's a guy who's sole goal is to cheat on his wife.

Well, I'm working now.  I like working because if I'm home a little late or if I'm not able to answer my phone for a couple hours during the day.  Problem is, there are no (and I mean no) potential girls to bang in my office.  It's all dudes and 50 year old married chicks.  If I'm going to risk my marriage I don't want to do it for a stale piece of ass.

I'm looking at a few weeks of unemployment in the next few months.  I've got a few housewives that are begging for my junk, I might just let them have it.  Alright, maybe not begging but a couple are asking quite nicely.

On a related note, fuck newly married chicks.  They think they're special and don't need my cock because they are getting it on the regular back at home.  Give them a couple years and they'll be fucking around like the rest of us.